Clobbered! - Khandie Khisses - Burlesque, Fire Breather, Underwater Mermaid and more...


I think I have just about recovered from what can only be described as the most manic week I have had in awhile. I am still feel the after effects of my manic dashings still. Usually performing in London isn’t too difficult for me as I live there but sprinting from one gig in the city to another in Harrow on the Hill (both corporate gigs)on Wednesday night after being booked at short notice caused me no end of hassle. Thankfully I had arranged much of my travel arrangements before I headed off out with my feather fans in tow. Admittedly both gigs weren’t performed with my usual style (manic/crazy) instead I opted for a more subdued and dare I say it elegant (?) style. Using some old jazz tunes having been inspired by the beautiful deco doll herself Billie Rae at the Paris Burlesque Festival (where we both performed) I performed one of my best fan dances to date followed by a simple striptease and saunter. For some reason I wasn’t at all nervous despite doing something not usual for myself. Perhaps it’s a sign that I am developing as a performer? Let’s hope so.

Thursday saw me sat in the Phoenix club on Charing Cross Road with my fabulous friends all linked to comics in some form or other. Lacking in presence Rich Johnston of Bleeding Cool was missed somewhat. Especially as I had wanted to talk to him about something. None the less I had a blast. I met an extremely talent photographer called Ellen Rogers who’s portfolio of work was mesmerizing to say the least. What’s more is that she would like to shoot me! See her work here: Amazing!

Out of the Phoenix also came the prospect of being included in a comic strip but that’s all you get on that for now. Because its… well hush hush and all that ra-ra.  The remainder of the night saw us all cackling like the witches from Macbeth over porn star impressions (my personal talent) and usual smut (Dan! Nevs! Jules! Sara! You dirty people…I have never been so proud!).

Friday saw me whizzing down the motorway in my roller boot of a car to Bournemouth again…well more specifically Southbourne. I was staying overnight with Mark the brains/owner behind 612Media as we had a shoot scheduled with a rather early (ish) call time at Clobber. After having a bloody fantastic dinner with Mark and his wife (Sarah the artist) instead of meeting a friend as arranged I stayed in chatted the night away with them. God I love their house so much. Every room has so many interesting things to look at. I have even used his house as a location for a photo shoot too. 

Saturday morning came far too bloody early for me. Waking up in a nice warm bed is wonderful though and rather reluctantly I crawled out of bed. Before 9am though I was made up with full slap, hair in rollers and on location ready to work. Not even a coffee or a diva strop in sight for this professional. The best way to describe Clobber is as an Aladdin’s cave of vintage adornments from clothing to home ware. I have found anything from neon orange sequined ball gowns to Edwardian aprons and even a 1960s Hulk jumper. Random but all wonderful.

The concept of the first part of the shoot was Alice In Wonderland meets shop mannequin. Dressed more like a courtesan of the French court (why do corsets always make that happen?!) I posed in various positions around the shop. From inside a giant wicker basket and on a high stool Mark (aided by Sarah) snapped away with immense gusto and professionalism.

The second part of the shoot had a very distinctive Tim Burton/Helena Bonham Carter approach with my big hair, striped structured dress. I loved sprawling all over the place like some crazed doll. My massive shoes helped look even more sinister…amazing what a Primark dress with some styling can accomplish. By this point the shop was starting to receive customers so it meant that we had to work fast whilst always being conscious of the room we were taking up. The owner was wonderful though to us and even introduced his little boy to the team. With  another photo shoot in the basement posing in the latest dress from Vintage Lynndy Loo we were done.  The final dress I should point out isn’t just any dress. This dress is a creation made for me by my trusted costume designer as a piece from a capsule wardrobe she is designing for me inspired by me. This lady is beyond talented and I adore every bit of her and her creations. Watch this space for more designs from her.

In my Vintage Lynndy Loo dress on location at Clobber.

After we had packed up we all headed into Boscombe for a cup of coffee and a chin wag. I kept making Sarah laugh so much she snorted…whilst Mark despaired at the pair of us. Anyone would think we embarrassed him….probably do. On the way home we headed to quite possibly the best shop ever! If you are ever in Boscombe there is a row of shops you must visit! Clobber, Deco and Love From Hetty And Dave. The latter is a new opening and is stunning. From the giant squirrel in a red trench coat in the window to the cute leather handcrafted goods (I bought one myself as a gift for Joe Black) and the carefully selected vintage items it’s a dream. I purchased a few items including a Christmas present for a friend…. The owners are such a cute couple!!! Please go and visit and say hi from me. Or if you can’t here is their website:

Post shoot coffee break! Boscombe's finest...ok....

That night though I attended the second of the Battistinis Retro Revival nights. With burlesque from Annie and her Kitty Kat Kittens and Sensu’Ell the night was a blast. There was music from Jezebel which the crowd all loved. My night was spent either dancing like a goon with various people or being taught to smoke a pipe…badly by Luke. God I won’t be doing that again. It stunk and is vile. But hey ho. 

Copyright Jason Perkins Photography. Luke n I pratting about.

Jezebel...image stolen from Lou. I took none 🙁

A random selection of Battistini images

I didn’t get time to hang about much though as I had to whizz up the motorway straight after to Birmingham. It would have been a fairly quiet drive up had it not been for a lorry and fiesta racing….one bumped head and the shock of my life I pulled up to my mates house in the wee small hours of the morning looking paler than pale and practically asleep. I crashed and slept like a log.

After a brief Asda visit (hell on earth on a Sunday) and watching Take Me To The Creek I was back on stage for Piffle. Alongside talent such as Joe Black, Beatrix Von Bourbon and Frayed Knot I was worried I may be out of my depth….I needn’t have worried though as both of my acts seemed to go down well. I hope so at east as I came off stage each time gasping for air and high on the adrenaline rush. Special mention has to go to Heather Sweet who had the audience in fits of laughter with her highly funny and at times shocking routine. Also Beatrix impressed me again with her never ending talent with poetry and singing. I adore that lady.  Ditzy and Decadent Gent really did put on a marvelous show and with Twinkle doing acrobatics on the pole during the intervals the audience were treated to an array of talents.  The drag queen Cherry Darling and I seemed to bond rather well. God I wanted to rob her feather head dress though she was kind enough to tell me where to find one for myself….after we bantered about kidnapping an audience member dressed in tweed….

 Again though I had to whizz down the motorway home….getting in again in the small hours. Burning the candle at both ends? No. That candle was burnt completely many years ago…I am not going it alone…damn it. Wouldn’t change it for the world though.

Khandie Khisses 2017 Up
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